i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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