Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The uberlube is also flammable
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
