im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
