So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
