she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
