I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
