You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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