i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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