You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
