Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
