My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
