Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
