I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
