Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
