I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
