I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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