I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
