i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize