I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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