that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
