Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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