cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
