Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
