There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
