operation have a gay friend backfired
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
