Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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