Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
