If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
