So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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