You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
