All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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