you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
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Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
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You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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