I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
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I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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