You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Is it because I queefed?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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