What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
