Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
