I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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