I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
