her vagina looked like bernie madoff
lets start a swedish sibling band together
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
