I wish my penis had an off switch
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
