i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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