I got chris browned last night
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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