can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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