i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
