then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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