He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
