you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
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I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
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I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize