I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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