How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
