Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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