he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
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Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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