My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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