I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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