I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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