God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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