At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
