Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
