haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
