Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize