Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
