explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
