Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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