I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
