he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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