Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
