Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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