I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
