just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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