Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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