my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
